So…I still don’t know what I want to do when I “grow up.”  Right now, my biggest worry is whether or not I get to eat ice cream for breakfast.  You might think that it’s kinda dumb, and if I wasn’t in such a “positive” mood, I would agree with you.  However, I’m not going to…today.  It’s not dumb, because it’s what’s important to me at the moment.  Woah, for those that know me, look how much I am progressing by this whole living-in-the-moment kind of mindset.

I know what I want to do, ie. sleep, eat ice cream all day, shop on a million dollar shopping spree…but career wise?  Hmmm, give me a sec…

23 years later…

Yup!  Still trying to figure it out.  It’s even harder when I’m still trying to figure out who I am.  I have found comfort in the fact that there are a lot of other people that don’t know what they want to do, but I was hoping for a little more direction in my life at this point.  When a good amount of the public ask me what I want to do and I say “I don’t know,” their next question is always “Well, what do you like to do?”  I like to do a lot of things!  But I don’t know if those things are “things” I would still like to do in the future.  Or would benefit me career wise.  I’m a very indecisive person.  My opinions and likings about things often change (except when it comes to the color Orange.  I love Orange!  It seriously is…the new black).  So how do I expect myself to know what I want to do for the rest of my life?

Don’t get me wrong, I have involved myself in various activities that I thought would help put me on the right path, but I somehow end up not enjoying any of them.  It always turns out to be boring, and then I start to question if this is something I want to continue doing every single day.

I want my life to be exciting!  I dream about being a superhero!  I want to show off some really cool martial arts moves and show others that I’m not ordinary.  But it’s only a dream, because who really has the time to plan out a science experiment that goes wrong, where I fall into a puddle of hazardous material, somehow survive, and wake up with electric powers, or with the ability to turn into silver liquid and transport to anywhere I want (ayyyye, if she doesn’t get that Alex Mack reference…she’s too young for you).

The other day, I was babysitting for a new family.  The mom wanted to know more about me.  She asked the usual questions: “Are you in school?” “What was your major?” and “What do you want to do with that major?”  And my answer went something along this line, “I don’t know.  I’m still trying to figure it out.”  She then responded with something, that I believe will stick with me forever (well knowing my indecisiveness, I don’t know/haven’t decided if this is something that I want to have stick with me forever…because it could either go good or bad).  She said “You don’t have to have it all figured out right now.  People change their careers on an average of 7 times throughout their lifetime.”  These words quickly made me feel better.  However, it still made me feel like I was running out of time.  Plus, I don’t know how long my lifetime will be.

I think I have about 4 more tries left to change my career (if you count working as a Sales Associate, a Babysitter, and a volunteer at the Natural History Museum [I seriously thought I wanted to work in a museum my whole life.  Turns out, it’s not for me] as careers).

I feel like it’s easier for those who appear to have it all figured out, to tell you that you don’t have to have it all figured out this instant.  But at the same time, I feel the pressures of society pushing me to believe that I have to know who I am and what I want to do right nowwwwww, because if I don’t start working, I won’t ever be happy.

Ugh, but I don’t know…