“…but you’re having fun.”

I went out to Downtown recently, and it ended up being a really fun night.  Or at least, that’s what my friend told me.  Apparently, this is how the night went:

*dancing in a bar*

My friend who came Downtown with me: Megan, we are leaving.

Me: Don’t leave me!

Friend: *places both hands on my shoulders, looks me in the eyes, and says calmly* …but you’re having fun.

Me: …OK!

*friend leaves, and I’m left dancing Downtown by myself*

In her defense, I am a person who is easily influenced.  This is one thing I know quite well about myself.  But I’m not sure how to change it, or if I should change it.  Because in some ways, it makes me look like I give people the benefit of the doubt.  In other ways, it makes me look like a complete idiot, and then I find myself in really uncomfortable situations.


How To Fail At Everything

A day in my life.  Today: Septemeber 15th, 2015.

I woke up.

I went to work.

I was verbally abused by an 8 year old (tried disciplining him, but got “cursed” at in the end (with off brand curse words an 8 year old is “allowed” to use appropriately).

I drove to 4 Starbucks’s after work so I could study…they were all full.

Bought myself a sub sandwich when I shouldn’t have…

I waited in my car at a parking lot before dance class started, and this girl next to me, opens her door, and hits the side of my car.  I walk out so she could see me, but she starts smoking weed and drives off.  Now I have a scratch on the side of my car.

The End

“Oh Lord, Know Yourself, Know Your Worth…”

Beside 0 to 100’s opening line being profoundly deep, it really is difficult to know one’s own self and one’s own worth.  I’m pretty sure that we can all agree that ohhhh Lawd, the journey to reaching that point when we realize who we truly are, and are happy with that, is rough.  I’m still trying to reach that point, if there ever is an end to this madness.  I hope so.  I reaaaally hope so.

It’s like I find ways to remind myself just how werrrthy I am, and that I should be confident in myself.  For example, a week ago (no, no shmoney dance) the team I had danced with for a whole year had their banquet.  We were each given back the letter we had written to ourselves at our first meeting.  When I opened up the letter, I just laughed.  It was ridiculous and cheesy!  But I decided to keep it.  I still have the letter, because a tiny tiny part of me wants to believe in it.  I want to trust in the “words of wisdom” I gave to myself on that very first day, even though I might’ve not believed in them then, but hoped I would now.

It’s like I already know myself, and my worth.  It’s like subconsciously I am aware of it, and my conscious self just has to find it.  Woah…talk about meta!

Technology and Chain Letters

The dance team I am on hosts an annual Cabin Trip.  At this Cabin Trip, we exchange gifts with our Secret Cabin Buddy.  This game is eerily similar to the game Secret Santa.  On the day of the big reveal, my Secret Cabin Buddy got me incense, my favorite candy, a sweater, and last but not least, Chromecast.  Which was a big “ooo” and “aaaah” moment.  I said “ooo” and “aaaah” just to belong…but to be honest, I had the slightest idea as to what this Chromecast was.  I’ll have you all know, I am technologically challenged.  I can’t even figure out how to work a DVD player, let alone turn on the tv.  But some how the 4 year old that I babysit does…

My Secret Cabin Buddy tried to explain to me the purpose of Chromecast and all the cool things it can do.  Don’t get me wrong, it sounds amazing!  But I was so not into it when he was explaining how it works, because I was already dreading the installation process of that thing…and SPOILER ALERT: I tried installing it and everything went wrong.  I think I did it half correct, but I haven’t tried using it since February.  This is because I’m scared I won’t be able to figure it out, and I might just curl up into a ball and start crying, while gently rocking myself to sleep.  Sooo basically, I’ve just given up.

It’s like this one time, at band camp…jk, but seriously…this one time, when I was about 8 or 9 years old, my cousin gave me a chain letter.  (Now mind you, this was before email, so this was a hand written chain letter).  I didn’t understand what the heck a chain letter was, yet alone the meaning of the word “chain,” and the whole big symbol it represented in its actual name: “chain letter.”  I was so confused when my cousin explained it to me.  So confused, that I literally ran into the other room, laid down on the couch, and cried.  Yes, I cried!  I cried holding that measly paper in my hand.  The letter that I was supposed to copy (or re-write) and pass forward to a specific number of people.  I’ve never felt such a low in my self-esteem and self-confidence before.  Well, I can seriously share multiple instances when I’ve felt that way, but that’s for another time.  To complete the story (if you’re really wondering how it ended), I never continued the chain letter.

The story above depicts how I feel every single time I come face-to-face with technology.  Any type of technology.  We don’t have to get specific, because it’s technology as a whole that I just don’t understand.  I’m not even the most basic when it comes to being tech-savvy.  I just can’t.