Technology

The Struggle Is Real

I’m starting to do that creepy thing again.  No, not where I reach that awkward part of YouTube!  Geeze, that was last week!  I’m talking about stalking old high school peops via LinkedIn.  It rarely crosses my mind to follow up on what others are doing via Facebook.  I’m all obsessed with everyone else’s HASHTAGwhatsyourbigboyjob type of life now.  I think I’m more so obsessed, because I’m trying to find one myself.  You know, that good ‘ol full time job.  I want those benefits, man!

It’s a little sickening at times, because all I begin to do is compare compare compare.  And then things in my life start to become a competition with little Miss So-and-So, when she doesn’t even know who I am, or that we are in a competition, or that there is no real prize for the winner but pride…and possibly a cookie…mayyybe even a little dance party.  It’s so easy for me to justify all the things I have not done or accomplished, by putting down others…and that gets me nowhere but to the music store, where I purchase the tiniest violin, and find someone who knows how to play the violin, so they can play it for me…or maybe I should invest in a music teacher.  It gets a little difficult trying to motivate myself, without any external factors getting in the way.  I want to genuinely do things and accomplish things for myself.  I don’t want to do something, because it’ll make me appear “better” when compared to blank.  I don’t want to be superficial, and it’s a struggle I come across every day.

It’s so easy though, to make those comparisons.  The social media apps are right there at my finger tips.  They ask to be open, and they whisper how I’ll never be good enough.  I don’t want them to control me.  I downloaded them.  I made the conscious decision to make those accounts on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc., so don’t tell me what to do!  You don’t own me!  You don’t know who I am!  You don’t know mah lyfe!  (Besides how hard I really try to only post the “good” stuff that will make others perceive my life to be awesome!)

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Technology and Chain Letters

The dance team I am on hosts an annual Cabin Trip.  At this Cabin Trip, we exchange gifts with our Secret Cabin Buddy.  This game is eerily similar to the game Secret Santa.  On the day of the big reveal, my Secret Cabin Buddy got me incense, my favorite candy, a sweater, and last but not least, Chromecast.  Which was a big “ooo” and “aaaah” moment.  I said “ooo” and “aaaah” just to belong…but to be honest, I had the slightest idea as to what this Chromecast was.  I’ll have you all know, I am technologically challenged.  I can’t even figure out how to work a DVD player, let alone turn on the tv.  But some how the 4 year old that I babysit does…

My Secret Cabin Buddy tried to explain to me the purpose of Chromecast and all the cool things it can do.  Don’t get me wrong, it sounds amazing!  But I was so not into it when he was explaining how it works, because I was already dreading the installation process of that thing…and SPOILER ALERT: I tried installing it and everything went wrong.  I think I did it half correct, but I haven’t tried using it since February.  This is because I’m scared I won’t be able to figure it out, and I might just curl up into a ball and start crying, while gently rocking myself to sleep.  Sooo basically, I’ve just given up.

It’s like this one time, at band camp…jk, but seriously…this one time, when I was about 8 or 9 years old, my cousin gave me a chain letter.  (Now mind you, this was before email, so this was a hand written chain letter).  I didn’t understand what the heck a chain letter was, yet alone the meaning of the word “chain,” and the whole big symbol it represented in its actual name: “chain letter.”  I was so confused when my cousin explained it to me.  So confused, that I literally ran into the other room, laid down on the couch, and cried.  Yes, I cried!  I cried holding that measly paper in my hand.  The letter that I was supposed to copy (or re-write) and pass forward to a specific number of people.  I’ve never felt such a low in my self-esteem and self-confidence before.  Well, I can seriously share multiple instances when I’ve felt that way, but that’s for another time.  To complete the story (if you’re really wondering how it ended), I never continued the chain letter.

The story above depicts how I feel every single time I come face-to-face with technology.  Any type of technology.  We don’t have to get specific, because it’s technology as a whole that I just don’t understand.  I’m not even the most basic when it comes to being tech-savvy.  I just can’t.