Current Mood: Afraid

I am afraid of leaving my friends, known places, and familiar feelings, because I fear of being uncomfortable.  I am afraid of loss and change, because I fear instability, chaos, and the unknown.  Dang, just call me one big scaredy cat!

I have established a life (let’s be real…a “social” life) here in Southern California, which makes it harder on me whenever I consider leaving it.  I want to leave and experience everything!  I know that I am young, and I understand that there is a bigger world outside of my little world that I live in right now.  However, I continuously find myself in one place, attached to this comfortable community.

Let’s be real, making new friends at this age is kinda tough, which can go under cons on my “If I Were to Leave SoCal” list.  I am told that I should travel.  I should live in different parts of the country.  I should (blank) because I can, and I can always come back.  I don’t have any commitments, or any real long-term goals here in SoCal, but there is one thing that I just can’t escape.  And that is change.

It’s odd that I’ll allow myself to change and grow as a person.  But it makes me sad at the idea of others evolving and growing into all that they can be, without me.  I just don’t want to miss out on what my friends and I can learn with one another.  And for some reason, if I stay, we can continue to grow in experience and in age, together.

Maybe it’s a part of growing up, maybe it’s a part of life, but we are always wanting to improve our experiences, and travel to new places.  I am scared that if I leave, there won’t be anyone beside me who truly understands the emotions that come with growing up.  I know that we cannot be together forever, but I don’t want to lose the connection with my friends, and I don’t want to lose that support.

In order to get a better idea of who I am and what I want out of life, I’ll eventually have to leave the place where I am most comfortable.  It’s scary, and I’ll admit that I’m one big scaredy cat!  But from what I’ve heard “your life begins, where your comfort zone ends,” and my first step to making that happen is embracing what scares me, and walk through the door.

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