What I’ve Done So Far

IMG_1968This blog has only been up for two days, and I am already experiencing writer’s block.  Not gonna lie, Twitter is my jam!  I never get writer’s block there.  It’s so simple to just type in those one liners (that of course meet the requirements of 140 characters…wait, is it only 140 characters in a tweet?  Brb opening up a tab and double checking Twitter about this…okay, yup! It’s 140 characters) and to press that “tweet” button without hesitation.  There is just so much happening on Twitter that even if you post a tweet and your followers just aren’t really feeling it that day, they can just scroll past it and wait for your next tweet.  Which, in my experience, pretty much will happen approximately 3-5 minutes later.  Twitter is this live feed of events that become easily accessible.  It continues to run, just like our conscience.  But here I feel like I can’t just write, because I find myself thinking waayyyy too hard.

My conscience doesn’t stream, even if I’m just trying to write about my day.  I find it becomes difficult because I have so much freedom.  I don’t have any guidelines or any sort of limitations.  I begin to feel like the pressure is on, even though there isn’t any.  Funny, how when I’m given an open space with the liberty to literally do whatever I want, I’m seriously unable to and I space out.  But at least I’m aware of it.  Woah, at least I am aware that I am aware of it.  Awareness is the first step, and I’ve just become aware of my own awareness.  Would this be considered a mind-blowing moment?

Hmm… well actually, now that I think about it, I tend to encounter such mind-blowing moments on a daily basis (side note: if this occurs regularly, then would they still be considered moments where the mind is blown?).  Now that I have become aware of what the problem is with my writer’s block, I can do something about it.  But to be honest, I always tell myself this.  It’s always been easier for me to notice things, to say what’s up, and to point out every little thing that can be fixed/worked on.  But then I don’t do anything about it.  I’ll just roll with the punches and accept that it is what it is, rather than actually doing something.  I myself already know that “If you hesitate, you don’t get your break.”  See?  I know all this.  But I still find myself not doing anything.  I continue to hold back.  Oh man, I guess me having writer’s block, the fast realization as to why I have writer’s block, and me being left with the choice to do something about it, is a metaphor for something bigger.  A metaphor that reflects how I’ve been living my life.  A life where I know what is wrong, but I don’t do anything.  Whether it be because I am scared and don’t like to take risks, or that I’m afraid of consequences.  Good or Bad.  Eeeyahhhh, maybe I should do something about that.  I am so proud, look how aware of myself I’m becoming!

How did this post start out about writer’s block and then end up reflecting on the way I’ve been living my life?  No idea.  My thoughts tend to be unorganized and all over the place.  One time, my TA on Early Japanese Civilizations commented on my essay final saying, I randomly add pieces of information that contain facts which don’t relate to, or help out, my argument in any way.  Did you know that in Finland you are given a top hat and a sword after you receive your PhD?


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